JANUARY 6--In a bizarre incident that will surely lead to litigation (or an out-of-court settlement), a skier at Colorado's ritzy Vail resort was left dangling upside down and pantsless from a chairlift last Thursday morning. ... His right ski got jammed in the ascending chairlift, and that kept him upended since his boot never dislodged from its binding.... the Skyline Express lift was stopped shortly after the pair's botched boarding resulted in the man dangling from the lift. The exposed skier was stuck for about 15 minutes before Vail personnel backed the lift up and successfully dislodged the unidentified man from the four-seat chair. In a statement released this afternoon, Vail Resorts, which operates the ski area, reported that the skier was not injured after being "suspended for approximately seven minutes." The press release did not explain how the mishap occurred, only that "the man was caught on the chair."

Honestly clean it up dude. This isn't fucking Wachusett. You're at Vail. Act like it.

PS - I'm still not sure how this guy lost his pants but whatever...

"I always wanted to be a Yankee."

If you've been wondering, as I have, which enlightened, insightful, well-informed media guy was the only one to cast a vote for Bill Belichick, wonder no more. It was Bob Costas, who had this to say:

"I didn’t think he would win, but I thought he deserved a nod for what might have been the best, or certainly one of the best coaching jobs of his career," Costas said. "He loses [Tom] Brady, and it’s not just losing Brady, but also that [Matt] Cassel basically never played. It’s not the same thing as losing Johnny Unitas and you have Earl Morrall. He brought the kid along.

"The winner is usually the guy whose team is the most surprising, and I wouldn’t argue against Smith, Sparano or [John] Harbaugh. You could make a good case for them, as well as others, like Jeff Fisher, Tony Dungy, John Fox and Tom Coughlin. I just thought Belichick did a phenomenal job, considering the emotional hangover that had to be there from coming so close to perfection [in 2007] and losing in such agonizing fashion, and then you lose Brady virtually from the opening kickoff of the first game. There is not just a strategic adjustment that has to be made, but you have to convince these guys not to say ‘to heck with it.’ There must be an incredible level of respect there for him to command that type of effort."

Jeez, this is kind of awkward for me. Because I'm pretty sure that several times on this blog I've said negative things about Bob Costas. That is if you consider me calling him a pedantic phoney intellectual and a long-winded, speechifying egghead and a short, dorky pervert to be negative. But I was wrong. Bob Costas is obviously the smartest, wisest and most brilliant member of America's football journalists. I apologize if I ever said anything different.

NEW DELHI — Nine flight attendants who couldn’t meet the weight standards of India’s national airlines have been fired, an official said Tuesday. The crew were significantly overweight and had been given time to lose weight but had not, said Air India spokesman Jitender Bhargava. He declined to give details on their weight. A lawyer for the women blasted the firing. "The action is illegal and against the natural justice. I will soon file an application in the Supreme Court against the order," Arvind Sharma told the Press Trust of India news agency. Air India has spent years fighting for the right to fire cabin staff it considers physically unfit. In 2006, it warned its nearly 1,600 cabin crew workers to shape up in two months or risk being assigned to ground duties— jobs that often pay less than those in the cabin. When the airline reassigned employees it deemed overweight, some of them took it to court.  The airline said that fitness and efficiency were the reasons for its weight standards, which it said were based on "scientific" combinations of height, age and gender. It did not give further details about how such standards were determined.

And people wonder why America is getting their ass kicked in the world right now.  It’s because upstart countries like Indian and China are taking a hard line with ugly chicks.   Meanwhile here in the US you can’t even put a hot girl on a snowboard without the feminists freaking out.  Give me a fucking break.  That’s why our economy sucks.   It’s because our priorities are all fucked up.   Maybe just maybe if fat bitches would get in shape and make themselves presentable so men wouldn’t have to look at them and get all depressed that would be the kick start our country needs.  Seriously forget the economic stimulus package.   Men spend money on hot broads.    But we got so many fat chicks rolling around getting away with being fat; it just takes all the motivation of living right away from you.    You want people to work hard and spend money and create jobs?   Make chicks lose weight.  It’s not rocket science.  

CLICK HERE TO WATCH THE RACE

I don't believe it, Michael Phelps is still in the fucking pool!   And he's match-racing Warren Sapp! Hey dude, take a breather!  It's okay! I mean you don’t see Usain Bolt running all over town.  Or Boston’s own Alicia Sacramone tripping over fire hydrants in the street.  Relax man – sit on the couch and watch meaningless afternoon TV.  If I was on vacation, the last the thing I’d want to do is my real job. Or my fake job of blogging.  Although I guess that’s why he’s the best.

Click here for the Answer...

(Kudos to me for finding a perfect picture to accompany this story)

ADELAIDE, Australia - An Australian woman accused of setting her husband's genitals on fire because she thought he was having an affair has been charged with murder. Prosecutors said 44-year-old Rajini Narayan confessed to neighbors that she set her husband on fire on Dec. 8, 2008, after she saw him hug another woman. Prosecutor Lucy Boord said Narayan told neighbors she was a "jealous wife" but she hadn't meant to kill him when she doused the sleeping man's genitals with an alcohol-based solvent and then set him on fire. Boord quoted Narayan allegedly saying: "I just wanted to burn his penis so it belongs to me and no one else. ... I didn't mean this to happen." The husband jumped out of bed and knocked over the bottle of alcohol, causing the fire to spread and resulting in 1 million Australian dollars ($711,000) of damage to their town house and an adjacent property, the Adelaide Advertiser reported.

Ah, it’s a story as old as time itself.   Married man hugs a woman.  Wife gets jealous and sets her husband’s cohoochies on fire while he’s sleeping.  Man jumps out of bed only to crash into a bottle of alcohol fanning the flames.  Man ends up dead.  Wife ends up on the Stool.    And all for what?   So the wife could own her husband’s penis?    What happened to good old fashioned just cutting it off?   Have times changed that much?   Kind of makes me feel old.

Vs.

I got to be honest. For the first time in the history of the Stool I don't even know what we're voting for here, how you win or what the fucking deal is. I just know this is some fucked up shit and whoever wins will have earned it whatever that means.

So vote 1 for Bellydrop and 10 for I like to Get Squashed and let fate decide the winner...

NY Daily News - The bigger-boob business has gone bust. With the stock market in a tailspin and home values dropping, demand for breast implants is sagging too, city docs say. "The number of the bigger surgeries has gone down for sure," said Dr. David Shafer, a Manhattan plastic surgeon. Breast enlargement surgery can cost anywhere from $4,000 to more than $10,000. "People are definitely thinking twice right now," said Dr. Sydney Coleman, another Manhattan surgeon. He said his colleagues in the lucrative field are starting to feel the pinch. "They're complaining about it," he said, "and they don't usually complain."

I've been having fun at the expense of people who've been saying we're living in a Second Great Depression or this is the worst economy of all time. Until now. Now this worldwide economic crisis has finally hit home with me. I mean, it's easy to act all smug and say things aren't so bad when the recession hasn't affected you. But when decent, hard working Americans who want bigger juggs can no longer afford them, then we all suffer. Sure our grandparents had stories about standing in bread lines and going to bed cold at night, but I'm pretty sure even the poorest of the poor could get a nice big set of Double D's at almost no cost. It was part of the New Deal. Hopefully Obama can turn this thing around quick, fix our health care system and magnificent, saline-filled racks will no longer just belong to the ultra-rich.

[Note: I always appreciate the Daily News for it's double entendres on a story like this, but somehow I don't think they put forth there best effort on this one. "Bust," "sagging" and "feeling the pinch" were OK. But I was hoping for a little more. Maybe "It was the breast of times. It was the worst of times." Or "A Tale of Two Titties." Maybe an "inflation" reference. Or something about "Profiles in Cleavage." Honestly, Daily News, we've come to expect better.]

DANBURY, Conn. -- On the day that Donald Peters died, he unknowingly provided financial security for his wife of 59 years and their family.  Peters bought two Connecticut Lottery tickets at a local 7-Eleven store on Nov. 1 as part of a 20-year tradition he shared with his wife Charlotte. Later that day, the 79-year-old retired hat factory worker suffered a fatal heart attack while working in his yard in Danbury.  On Friday, his widow cashed in one of the tickets: a $10 million winner which, in her grief over her husband's death, she had put aside and almost discarded before recently checking the numbers.  "I'm numb," Charlotte Peters, 78, said at Connecticut Lottery headquarters in Rocky Hill. "I was in the grocery store and I had it checked and they told me I was a winner," she said. "I had no idea how much it was." She said she thought she had won $6 million but was surprised to learn from lottery officials she'd won $10 million. She does not yet know what she will do with the money.  "I've always wanted a Corvette, but I don't think I'll buy one. I'll stick to a small car. I might go to Mohegan Sun," she said, referring to the casino in Connecticut. "I'm going to go home and sit and think." The Peters children think their father would have appreciated the irony. "He'd be very mad, he just passed away and she won a lot of money," said Brian Peters, one of the couple's three children. "He'd say, 'Figures!"'

Let me say this loud and clear.  If I ever die on the same day that I win 10 million in the lottery please go fucking arrest The First Lady because I’ll guarantee you that she murdered my ass.  Now I’m not saying grandma killed her husband here, but I’m not buying this natural causes excuse either.  I don’t care whether this guy was 204 years old.  You don’t win the lottery and die on the same day.   Shit like that just doesn’t happen.  Sometimes the most obvious answer is the right answer.  Granny wanted to spend all the money on Corvettes and the slots at Mohegan Sun so she wacked her hubby.   It wouldn’t be the first time and it won’t be the last time.  Just because you’re old doesn’t mean you’re not greedy.

Bostonherald - The detective son of Mayor Thomas M. Menino moonlights as a “safety engineer” for a politically wired construction powerhouse that has landed millions in city contracts and regularly turns to the mayor’s team for necessary permits, the Herald has learned. Detective Thomas M. Menino Jr., a 13-year Hub cop, landed the plum, 20-hour-a-week post with Suffolk Construction in January 2008, even as he pulls down a taxpayer-funded $86,000 annual base salary in the department’s intelligence unit. In 2007, he made $137,000 as a police officer with overtime and detail pay, records show.Suffolk is one of the city’s biggest builders and general contractors, building and refurbishing schools and government buildings, most notably the Boston Police Department’s headquarters.  “There’s no conflict,” the mayor said last night. “It wouldn’t be a story if his name wasn’t Menino.” Suffolk executives have generously supported the mayor, donating $7,175 to his campaign since 2000, including a maximum $500 donation from president John Fish during Menino’s 2005 mayoral race. Suffolk executives also reportedly helped bankroll Menino’s $500,000 inaugural bash in 2006. The company, which did $1.5 billion in business in 2008, has built many projects backed by Menino, such as the $30 million Boston Opera House renovation, the $55 million Landmark Center in Allston and several upgrades at Boston Medical Center, including a wing named after the mayor. The younger Menino is not the only one in the mayor’s inner circle to land a lucrative gig with the construction giant. Menino’s close friend and former top advisor Peter Welsh left City Hall in 2002 to become a Suffolk vice-president. Menino’s longtime BRA director Thomas O’Brien also fled the administration for Suffolk, but has since departed. Tom Menino Jr. was implicated in a 2006 Boston police overtime and detail scandal in which several cops were suspended for padding their pay by claiming hours they didn’t work. Menino admitted signing a supervisor’s name on a time sheet but was cleared of any wrongdoing, Driscoll said.

Listen nobody has been more critical of Mayor Menino than me.  But even I can admit we’re kind of grasping at straws with this one.  I mean how could anybody ever say this is a conflict of interest?   So the biggest construction company in Boston who repeatedly gets huge city contracts, who bankrolled Menino’s 500,000 inaugural bash, who donates money to his campaign, who hired Menino’s best friend as their Vice President, just gave the Mayor’s scandal ridden son a cushy job as a consultant.   Who cares?  Like Mayor Menino said; the only reason this is a big deal is because of his son’s last name.  I mean if Suffolk hired Joe Blow who had no relation to the Mayor and who had never met him before this would be a total non story.    When you’re right you’re right.

IndyStar- The results of a shooting investigation involving Indianapolis Colts wide receiver Marvin Harrison will be announced today at a news conference called by the Philadelphia district attorney, the Associated Press reported. A Philadelphia radio station reported it would begin at 11 a.m. Harrison, a Philadelphia native, was questioned by police about a shooting near his North Philadelphia car wash in the spring. He's also being sued by a man who says he was the victim of that shooting and that Harrison was the gunman. Philadelphia police have reportedly connected a gun owned by Harrison, 36,with the shooting, but Harrison has denied he was involved. Neither he nor anyone else has been called a suspect.

So to recap: Marvin Harrison owns a gun. A man gets shot. He says he saw Harrison shoot him. The cap in his ass was fired by the gun Harrison owns. But not only was Harrison not arrested, we're now NINE months after the shooting took place, and they still haven't named him as a suspect, even though the police wrapped up their investigation a month ago. Nice to see the Philly PD taking their Jon Benet-like sweetass time and not rushing to judgment here. And in an amazing coincidence, the DA is just now getting around to telling the world what the investigation uncovered, three days after the Colts season ended. Remarkable how that timing worked out.

I get accused all the time of being a Patriots apologist and paranoid and obsessed with how unfairly the Pats get treated, but after reading this, can you blame me? Did anyone wait until after the Super Bowl last year to file Domestic A&B charges against Randy Moss? Did the Herald wait until their season was over to publish the fake Spygate story? If a guy said he got Rodney Harrison's bullet outside Rodney's bar and fired out of Rodney's gun, do you think for one second the DA would've waited until after the season to even bring up the topic? We'd already be wrapping up the congressional hearings into the case. District Attorney's are THE most political animals in the country, and there's no way this investigation is on the level. Either someone's getting paid off or is a Colts fan or both, but there are definitely Nazis behind this particular wood pile.

Oh my god! Look at the size of those motherfucking shoes! They're huge! Shaq could take a fucking bath in those things. I tell you just when I think TLC has totally run out of freakshows (I mean that in a good way), they break out the lady with 200 pound legs. Simply amazing.

Boston.com - "I think Jeff Jagodzinski did a great job here,'' said BC athletic director Gene DeFilippo late this afternoon. "But I want a person who wants to be at Boston College and who wants to stay here a long, long time. I thought I had that person.'' "Jeff is a very good man and an excellent football coach," DeFilippo said. "He did a wonderful job for us while he was here at BC. I wish Jeff would not take this interview and would remain as head coach at BC."

When is Gene DeFilippo going to get it thorough his fat head?  There is no such thing as a good football coach that wants to stay at BC for “a long, long time.”   It’s not a football school.  It will never be a football school and the sooner he accepts that fact the better off he’ll be.    I think Mike Wilbon summed it up best.  When did BC go to sleep and wake up thinking they were Southern Cal?

Some times its good to take a look at a prime athlete in the prime of their career. Like watching Larry Bird from 84-86 or Hulk Hogan from 85-87. For Tiffany Amber Thiessen her prime came in this photo shoot. Never hotter, never more exposed.

Check out all of her glory here...

Who do you want to Wake Up with? Ub@barstoolsports.com